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About me School:NUS Birthday:02/11 About you: Life is a journey and full of experiences awaiting for the soul to submerge and eventually triumph over obstacles. Tagboard links |Aliah |Helaine |Samantha |Jolyn |Wanru |Wong |Kaiting |Amalia
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Sunday, August 31, 2008 ( I am looking forward for you ) To many, death is a morbid and even a taboo to talk about. For me, I talked about it everyday and it seems very therapeutic for me somehow when people express their fears of the ambivalence and saying good bye to people we love. When we talked about death, we are scared that we will leave many things unattended and many told me that “I want no regrets when I die” or “I want them to be happy so I can find peace”. Dealing with these issues, can be very emotional when we have a lot of things to say but never say it aloud to that person. Very seldom in our culture, we say ‘I love you’ or ‘I seek your forgiveness’ or ‘I forgive you’. To us, death is such a distant away like a stranger that we don’t wish to know but come on it will happen one day. Anyway, it does not hurt to think about it. At least you know that with life there is death and with death there is separation. So the next question is how we deal with separation forever. When it comes to death, the separation is not about one day, or one month, it is forever goodbye my love. Can anyone handle that? Many of us, after the death of someone we love, we still grieve deep in our heart and although that someone has passed away for decades, the memories is still there. Can we throw such memories? Impossible I would say. Many don’t wish to say about the death of their loved ones, as it is very painful and very difficult to talk about. The pain and agony is there, but most cover it with pretension, deceit and façade to live this life because many will definitely want the grieved person to be strong. If that is what they want, most of the bereaved members covered it up very nicely not to fall out from that expectation of not capable to deal with death. I look forward to my death and every day I know I am near to death and one day I have to face it. I am scared and I am not sure how death will come and find me. Is it through sickness? Accident? Sleep? How? I don’t know. But what I know is that, I want people to forgive me for what I may or may not do for them. Forgiveness is exceptionally important to me. I must forgive and seek forgiveness. Next, if I have daughters in the future, I want them to bathe me or even my niece, my two sisters to bathe me. If I were to die before my parents, I want them to have a small feast for me on my birthday. If I were to get married and die before my husband, I want him to marry another one and be happy with his life. If I were to have children and I die when they are young, I will keep tapes of myself for them. I want them to know their mother, her hopes and dreams for them, her weakness and her wisdom that can be shared with them. I want them to know they have a mother although I am not physically there to raise them. 08/08/2008 Sahara Vast as a desert that was your name Clear as a sky that was how you feel A moment of sadness is what remains You were young when you say goodbye Give us strength to see you go Calm our hearts and let the tears fall A month will pass and soon a decade too Your love and generosity will forever etched It is hard to see you shut your eyes Right before us, you take your last breathe I left my moment of present thinking about how that happen? I thought you will be fine, ain’t that what we all hope for? Your body was cold, your eyes wide shut The tubes were many there but did it help? You let them use the machine to bring you back I saw you gasping for air and I say ‘God, please end her agony!’ When the expert said all hope is lost, that is not true. Your hope was not lost but it goes with you The earth is still damp by what happened You left your loved, making him cry for the first time Kneeling down begging you to see him You love him and have said enough and Your spirit of love will forever remains I want to say I love you but I never did when you were here Is it too late? MJL 8:09 PM |