the next phase of life,
About me

Name:Mariam aka MJL
About you: Life is a journey and full of experiences awaiting for the soul to submerge and eventually triumph over obstacles.



|Xia Yan

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Sunday, August 26, 2007

( A revelation of a dishonoring society!! )

The life of a person written in a book will be read by people but a life that is written in her eyes will only be felt by those that are wise. It is not express in words but shown through her eyes that tell the whole story. Words are an example of expression but it is unable to describe the intense emotions that one went through all her life. Sometimes by writing down her thoughts it is an expression of her own opinion to her life and what she has gone through. Susanna Kaysen is an apt example who chooses to write her experience in a mental hospital where she was admitted for borderline personality disorder. She chooses to have an opinion on what she went through and whether she is really cognitively unwell is open to interpretation. But what about those like Lisa who has not written any books about herself or her experience and is being judge by others? It is so natural for humans to categorize and label people to different compartments and make sure that each and everyone falls into one fix compartment.

I am talking about those that are being label by the society due to their ‘incapacitation’ and ‘ability’ to ‘protect’ themselves. It is a hard time trying to convince one that she is healthy and able to care for herself and does not need the constant reminder to inform that she is different from others. Susanna has make me realize that I am the only person that can label and de-labelize(if such a word exist) my character and not someone else. Labeling is something that everyone goes through and sometimes we even believe it is true. To call someone a patient is a label, to call someone mad is a label and to call someone sick is a label. I have gone through the grueling experience of having to come to terms of some of the labels that the ‘experts’ have given to me. I find it hard to believe that I have the ‘incapacitation’ to protect myself and worse I have to make it the truth.

Who are they to judge? Who are they to make it seems like I am a misfit? I have always been who I am and why must it becomes an issue? I am constantly trying to find myself in the midst of a hectic society where sometimes we lost our own faith in life and falls to the abyss of emptiness. Is it bad to be different? Is it bad to be different that one has to be labeled? Is it bad to be different that one has to face embarrassment? I have never wish to be born this way and never wish to be treated like that. It might be bless to be different but being too different from others is a punishment. Why? Many have mentioned that we are all different; actually we are all the same….we are fallible and always trying to make sense of what we are dealing with. We use logic and common sense to find our ‘truth’, but is there a truth out there as it presumes? If there is a truth out there who defines it? And is the truth really matters?

The ‘experts’ can say what they want and diagnose people in whichever way they like but they cannot define a person. No one can define a person others than herself. So is it true that Susanna is ill or she just a pessimistic person and is it wrong to be a pessimist? She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and assumes to be promiscuous and is it wrong to be promiscuous? She has difficulty finding her own goals in life thus she is mentally ill? How many of us are involve in casual sex and having difficulty finding our own goals in life? Almost all of us involve in one way or another with that but is it justified to be labeled because of that?

Look into my eyes and you will see
Look into my diary and you shall hear
Look into my body and you shall tell
Look into my soul and you will know
That I am no different from you

But you choose to drag me away with your potent weapons
To ‘cure’ me from my own individuality
You make me a product of your invention
You show to others and make them believe

Blood that has dripped from my body is
a sign of ‘recovery’. You make them believe!
I was given no voice but tears collecting in my eyes
The pains that I have endured, you make them believe

Isolated and quarantine is a way of distancing
You make me feel alienated with my own self
Dismantling my dignity and disheveling my body
There is no sound


Hurt in the darkness and smile when in brightness
To know the blood drip has dried
You give me medication
Like the smell and beauty of a jasmine

You never leave your weapon
Sharp As ever
Clean by sterilizing
My body is healing
My mind?

MJL (girl in an urban jungle)

4:17 AM

Friday, August 24, 2007

( my last three months and yes I do have photos to entice audience...heeee )

Well, three months has passed and there has been no entries to this monotonous blog...within these three months..many unexpected events had taken place but let's look at the positive ones ya...if you happen to read this blog do leave a comment not an advertisement of your product...feels cheated each time that let's look at it......heeeee
On the 2nd Of May, my family welcomes the newest family member...Siti Adriana..cant believe
that she is so cutee...My sis said she looks like me..esp the hair...check that out!!!

And I also grab a photo of her in the car... she looks steady and it seems like she knows how to pose after all... time goes by...she starts to look more like her Mum than Aunt....and she
loves to stare...bad habit

looks more like the mum

but this pic she looks cute like me...heeee

by the way, Zizu is getting naughtier and cheekier ever...look at his smile!!! potent!!!

he always thinks that people will say he is hensem!!!!haixxx

That makes the mother feels threatened by his good looks...she uses her ultimate weapon.... acting cute!!!! How for that????

ya...she can act cute for all I we decided to show that we are not alike at all...

now I know where Zizu get his trademark smile...heee

be very fearful...the sopranos sisters are here!!!!

emmmm.....decided to smile instead of squabbling...huh!!wateva..I'm just being nice!

well apart from that, these months I have been busy with my so call placement....haaaa

and I have got time to make good use of my supervisor by snapping a photo before I walk out from that org.

I even have time to change my hairstyle to BOB- a remembrance of an old friend**

besides that...before cutting that are my last look having middle length vain...i know++

I was at JB


well, besides that...I got myself a phoenix...emmm...I'm growing fond of please don't go away!

In addition...I remembered a good friend of mine whom her birthday I forgot to wish..HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!! MISS YA ALOT!!!

have alot of fun in Shanghai and remember that no matter how short your hair is...I still recognize you!!!

plus to my cat Hitam...he was diagnosed with pre-diabetic condition...without proper diet...he can get people do donate to Mariam charity...Hitam will bless you

rite my sweetie?????..

so people do read my almost stagnant blog...thank you!!!!

12:11 AM